The Visit

It's not easy to visit an inmate. Don't ever let anyone tell you it is, if so they are either lying to you or to themselves but either way it's not the truth. It takes a lot out of you. It takes time out of your day and it also has an emotional uneasiness in your life. Not everyone is cut to visit someone behind bars. I'm not. I don't like knowing at the start of the visit that when I leave, I'll leave the same way I came, alone. I don't like looking at the sadness in his eyes, because I can see right through him, knowing he is doing all he can to look happy to see me. Oh he's happy however he is sad because I am sad. He is upset with himself for putting me through this, and he is angry that it is just a visit. I try to find the right words, and honestly there aren't any right words. I try to hold back the tears and this is probably the easiest thing for me to do because when its time to say goodbye, I never can. The visit always ends with "call me"! I often find myself lost in the visiting room because I know its not a place I would ever want to be, on the other side; but I find myself lost because I look around me and the people are all so different. Mother's, wives, children, friends, girlfriends, clergy men, aunt's, uncle's, grandparents, etc all there to visit their loved one. Know matter how different we all are I'm sure we all leave the same, empty. Why do we leave empty when we should be thankful? We should be thankful because while we are visiting our loved one behind bars, someone else is visiting there loved one in the grave, and we should be thankful that isn't us.

It's important to use the visiting time for positive intent. The inmate really doesn't want to be seen in the jail/prison clothes but he/she has to deal with it. They really don't want to be seen unshaven, skin breaking out from hard water, or tired and worn out, but they make it through the visit. They make it through the visit because it's a chance to see you and its a chance to get a break from the other inmates they are currently forced to live with everyday. It's a chance for a different type of fresh air, not the kind of fresh air we are use to but the kind they have gotten use to! So make your visit the best. Each visit should be treated as if it were your last. Talk about funny things, talk about something that will send him/her back to their environment feeling like the luckiest person on earth. The feeling may not last long but at least for that moment the inmate has taken his mind off of his/her problems and has had a chance to focus and reflect on something beautiful. Nothing is beautiful behind bars, I imagine! The feeling you will have will also be just as beautiful and for the moment you will take your mind off of the situation as well. The feeling may not last long and the same goes for the vi sting of your loved one. One day he/she will come home. If you haven't already started to prepare for that day the time is now, not once they come home. This is going to be the hardest lesson to learn and I'll discuss this at a later date. For now remember to take pride in every visit. It's not easy being separated by bars and Living with it from the outside.