How Strong Am I?

I think once a week I am told I am very strong, or they admire my strength. I wonder why we never see in ourselves what other people see in us? Am I strong? Well lets see......I went to bed one night a very happy woman and my only worry as I laid in bed to fall sleep was the same worry I have had every night since July 2006, will I wake up to see my son another day, is he ok, is his room too hot/too cold, or simply let me give him one more kiss before I fall asleep; so again I went to bed a very happy woman and I woke up the same happy woman the next morning.....And an hour into the start of my new day, my strength was tested. The strongest I have probably ever felt in my entire life was the moment I realized something was wring, the moment I realized the life I knew was about to change. I wasn't scared, I didn't panic, I didn't even cry, but he did. It was the look of unwanted defeat that ran across his face before he opened the door to let the start of a new beginning. The look on Dajon's face told me the only thing I could do was show him I was the strong black woman he knew me to be.

So again I have to ask myself why is that everyone can see my strength except me! Dajon use to always say let my strength be my weakness and let my weakness be my strength! I'm still working on that! All I know is I try. i have a son to raise and explain everything he needs to know and wants to know about why things are they way they are. If I fall apart who will take care of him? If I get sick who will take care of me? You all call it being strong, I call it too much pride! if you all knew the weight I am carrying trying to be strong. The key word is trying, because a strong person doesn't have to try, they just are. I want to one day see this strong person and tell her thank you for getting me through the changes.

Its amazing how Dajon and I are connected. The connection go far beyond sharing the life of our son together. When I start to fall apart it is Dajon who picks me back up. Even from behind his bars he still is a man. He still has the ability to encourage me to move forward and live my life in a respectable way and continue to teach his son. He is still a man who wants to be strong for me from behind bars, so this strong black woman that everyone sees lets, falls back because being separated by bars can weaken a person's soul if they start to feel helpless. Continue to support your loved one. Love, support, hope, and freedom are the only things they have to hold on to.