Monday, July 26, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
The mister is safely tucked away in Texas. He is far from home but in my heart daily. Its amazing how much distance can actually bring people together and your souls reconnect from the anticipation of the what if's!
The kid is coping daily and its not easy. Its a struggle. He still can't figure out where his daddy is at or why he isn't able to see him. This is by far the longest he has ever been w/o seeing his father. The talk all the time so he is comforted by the sound of the voice he's heard since the day he was born but it still doesn't make up for the hugs, kisses, bedtime stories, car rides, trips to Sonic, and the wonderful bath time moments they had. I don't try to imitate the special moments. I can only do what's natural to me and that's love and protect him during this time. I can only do what the mister has asked of me and that is to help him maintain his bond and relationship with our son. That of course is not at all going to be difficult and may even be the easiest task thus far!
Communication and respect is the key to any successful relationship which includes parenting and I intend to continue to keep the mister informed on his son's progress because I know if the tables were turned he'd do the same for me.
Being Separated By Bars doesn't mean the inmate has to lose his sense of parenting or being a man, husband, son, uncle, or friend. Being Separated By Bars is the time to support your loved one when they need it most.
The kid is coping daily and its not easy. Its a struggle. He still can't figure out where his daddy is at or why he isn't able to see him. This is by far the longest he has ever been w/o seeing his father. The talk all the time so he is comforted by the sound of the voice he's heard since the day he was born but it still doesn't make up for the hugs, kisses, bedtime stories, car rides, trips to Sonic, and the wonderful bath time moments they had. I don't try to imitate the special moments. I can only do what's natural to me and that's love and protect him during this time. I can only do what the mister has asked of me and that is to help him maintain his bond and relationship with our son. That of course is not at all going to be difficult and may even be the easiest task thus far!
Communication and respect is the key to any successful relationship which includes parenting and I intend to continue to keep the mister informed on his son's progress because I know if the tables were turned he'd do the same for me.
Being Separated By Bars doesn't mean the inmate has to lose his sense of parenting or being a man, husband, son, uncle, or friend. Being Separated By Bars is the time to support your loved one when they need it most.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
The first Year is Over
Hello everyone. I hope that 2009 ended well for everyone and that 2010 is opening up new doors. 2009 is a year to remember for me although I'd like to forget it! It started out great, looked like it was going to be 1 of our best years. We had set goals for the year and we were well on our way to accomplishing them. When I think back to January of 2009 Its amazing how much we accomplished in that 1 month. As a matter of fact a year ago today we were in Williamsburg, walking around, holding hands (something Dajon didn't do often) and just enjoying life. We didn't take our son because we had planned to have a weekend to ourselves because 2008 was such a hectic year. On this day a year ago I think back and I'm thankful and so blessed to have spent that day as if it was our last, we had no idea that a few days later our world as we knew it would change. I guess its true when they say you are given a sign and its up to you to accept it! Williamsburg was a very special place for us. Its the place we always went when we wanted to escape our everyday surrounding area. It's a place we enjoyed being and it's also where I went into labor with our son! So on this day we decided to there and say goodbye to the life he had known....forever, and welcome the new and improved man he had become. We bought all this candy at the candy store, we bought our favorite chocolate covered strawberries. We had decided this was not going to be a day of shopping and spending money, because we were getting ride of old habits. We enjoyed window shopping...and ok we spent a little money BUT not on ourselves, it was on our son. The outlets were having major winter sales, so Dajon decided to purchase winter clothes our son would grow into and those clothes became his fall clothes. We laughed about my contractions, that I didn't know I was having, but when I realized it I kept saying we have to go to the Carter store before we go back home! Needless to say we weren't expecting the baby b/c according to my due date I still had exactly 21 days! So once we got to the Carter store I convinced him to go to a few more baby stores (LOL). I made it home and still didn't go to the Doctor for a few hours but sure enough I was in active labor and a few hours later we had our son! Those are the memories that keep me going through this time that we are apart.
When i look back I see so many signs that something was about to end our new fairy tale. I will forever be grateful for our last weekend together. We truly enjoyed each others company and had said we would do it more often. The night before his arrest when I came home from class they were both wrapped in each other's arms sound asleep and I didn't wake them. Now I wish I had come home cooked a big dinner and woke them up and talked all night! But it was peaceful. I let them sleep. He had cooked dinner and I ate my food, watched my soaps and got ready for the next day.................................
I'm glad this 1st year is over. In a few days it will be 12 months since Dajon has been gone. It hasn't been hard but it also hasn't been easy. Our son is getting older and wiser and he asks more questions. He tells me he wants his daddy, and I know in his heart his little mind is really speaking the truth. He wants to call him, yet he can't. I know that our biggest challenge is yet to come and that will be the distance that separates Dajon from his family. We will figure it all out in due time. For now I'm glad he is still alive and well and I know he is in a better place mentally. I still stand by and support Dajon because he still does the same for me. We have a duty to raise and protect our son and we will do that even if we are Separated by Bars.
Continue to support your loved ones. Its not about accepting the crime, its about accepting this is who they are and where they are at the moment. Dajon's past will always be his past but that doesn't mean he has to let it continue to ruin his life. Sure Society sees a criminal but I see someone totally different.
When i look back I see so many signs that something was about to end our new fairy tale. I will forever be grateful for our last weekend together. We truly enjoyed each others company and had said we would do it more often. The night before his arrest when I came home from class they were both wrapped in each other's arms sound asleep and I didn't wake them. Now I wish I had come home cooked a big dinner and woke them up and talked all night! But it was peaceful. I let them sleep. He had cooked dinner and I ate my food, watched my soaps and got ready for the next day.................................
I'm glad this 1st year is over. In a few days it will be 12 months since Dajon has been gone. It hasn't been hard but it also hasn't been easy. Our son is getting older and wiser and he asks more questions. He tells me he wants his daddy, and I know in his heart his little mind is really speaking the truth. He wants to call him, yet he can't. I know that our biggest challenge is yet to come and that will be the distance that separates Dajon from his family. We will figure it all out in due time. For now I'm glad he is still alive and well and I know he is in a better place mentally. I still stand by and support Dajon because he still does the same for me. We have a duty to raise and protect our son and we will do that even if we are Separated by Bars.
Continue to support your loved ones. Its not about accepting the crime, its about accepting this is who they are and where they are at the moment. Dajon's past will always be his past but that doesn't mean he has to let it continue to ruin his life. Sure Society sees a criminal but I see someone totally different.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Thanksgiving was ok. It was not as bad as I thought. I had a really bad cold however it felt as if Dajon was right here beside me. It helped to know that he was ok as well. I'm busy with school work and getting another blog together, sorry I did not intend to go this long without posting.
Dajon told me today he is very thankful for my support. He said he looks at all the dudes who come into the jail and do not realize they'll return. He says he has been in their shoes. He was given breaks and more than a second chance, but at the time he thought he knew what he was doing. He thought he was fulfilling a purpose, now he understands God had a different plan for his life. He has never made a promise to me because he knows I do not believe in people making promises they can not keep. But he has made a promise this time to himself, God, and his family that HE WILL NOT RETURN TO PRISON. Its tough but I have to let him fight this battle alone. I do not mean alone....I'm leaving.....I mean I'm no longer giving him advice. He has to teach himself what HE wants to make of the rest of his life. I will stand by him through thick and thin, but I feel that I spent the last 4 years fussing and stressing the importance of freedom.
When Dajon was home and I was waiting for election day, I remember telling him to get his life in order so he can one day stand in line with me to vote for the President! I remember us working on his resume and me teaching him computer skills. He never got the hang of using the computer but he can tell you quick "go online and see if you can find..........", so he knows that technology is where its at. I have asked him to take computer classes and any other higher education courses they have to offer once he is in the federal system.
We're not giving up. There are a lot of influential people in life that have spent time in jail or prison and come home a better person. Martha Stewart didn't let it stop her, she started teaching people some of the skills that made her rich and famous. Everyone has something to offer. Everyone has something they do not know. Dajon has children who will one day make him a grandfather and he needs to be able to share his experiences but with a happy ending. If mentoring is something he comes to do then we will welcome Gods plan.....he has yet to fulfill that plan.
Keep your head up. Being separated by bars should not be the end of the road.
Dajon told me today he is very thankful for my support. He said he looks at all the dudes who come into the jail and do not realize they'll return. He says he has been in their shoes. He was given breaks and more than a second chance, but at the time he thought he knew what he was doing. He thought he was fulfilling a purpose, now he understands God had a different plan for his life. He has never made a promise to me because he knows I do not believe in people making promises they can not keep. But he has made a promise this time to himself, God, and his family that HE WILL NOT RETURN TO PRISON. Its tough but I have to let him fight this battle alone. I do not mean alone....I'm leaving.....I mean I'm no longer giving him advice. He has to teach himself what HE wants to make of the rest of his life. I will stand by him through thick and thin, but I feel that I spent the last 4 years fussing and stressing the importance of freedom.
When Dajon was home and I was waiting for election day, I remember telling him to get his life in order so he can one day stand in line with me to vote for the President! I remember us working on his resume and me teaching him computer skills. He never got the hang of using the computer but he can tell you quick "go online and see if you can find..........", so he knows that technology is where its at. I have asked him to take computer classes and any other higher education courses they have to offer once he is in the federal system.
We're not giving up. There are a lot of influential people in life that have spent time in jail or prison and come home a better person. Martha Stewart didn't let it stop her, she started teaching people some of the skills that made her rich and famous. Everyone has something to offer. Everyone has something they do not know. Dajon has children who will one day make him a grandfather and he needs to be able to share his experiences but with a happy ending. If mentoring is something he comes to do then we will welcome Gods plan.....he has yet to fulfill that plan.
Keep your head up. Being separated by bars should not be the end of the road.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Thanksgiving Is Coming!
The time is near to give thanks to God, family, friends, co workers and everyone who you feel have given you a reason to be thankful. While we are all spending time visiting from house to house, do not forget those who are unable to move around as freely as they would like.
I found this cute card at Hallmark, and it said Just wanted to share Thanksgiving dinner with you, but how do I fit this turkey leg in this card!!! It was funny, sweet and thoughtful. This will be my son first Thanksgiving without his father. We will get through it because we all have faith. The only thing that will be missing is Dajon's physical appearance, but his spirit will be sitting at the dinner table right along with everyone else's! We will sit at the table and share a fond memory from last year and when Dajon calls, I'll share that laugh with him over the phone. I know Dajon better than anyone on this earth, sometimes even better than his mother, and definitely better than he knows himself, but the point I'm making is that Dajon will not complain on Thanksgiving. He will pray that his family is safe and happy. He'll ask God once again to forgive him for putting his fate in the hands of other men but he'll also apologize to me and I have forgiven him long ago so it really wont matter but it will make him feel better.
I ask all of my readers who have a friend or loved one behind bars to remember them this holiday season. If you haven't reached out to that person in awhile, take a moment to send a card, a letter or just a simple prayer after you read this. Many men and women in prison do not have anyone to think about them, and the only family they have is the family they have gained while locked up.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL
I found this cute card at Hallmark, and it said Just wanted to share Thanksgiving dinner with you, but how do I fit this turkey leg in this card!!! It was funny, sweet and thoughtful. This will be my son first Thanksgiving without his father. We will get through it because we all have faith. The only thing that will be missing is Dajon's physical appearance, but his spirit will be sitting at the dinner table right along with everyone else's! We will sit at the table and share a fond memory from last year and when Dajon calls, I'll share that laugh with him over the phone. I know Dajon better than anyone on this earth, sometimes even better than his mother, and definitely better than he knows himself, but the point I'm making is that Dajon will not complain on Thanksgiving. He will pray that his family is safe and happy. He'll ask God once again to forgive him for putting his fate in the hands of other men but he'll also apologize to me and I have forgiven him long ago so it really wont matter but it will make him feel better.
I ask all of my readers who have a friend or loved one behind bars to remember them this holiday season. If you haven't reached out to that person in awhile, take a moment to send a card, a letter or just a simple prayer after you read this. Many men and women in prison do not have anyone to think about them, and the only family they have is the family they have gained while locked up.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Keep your spirits up!
Hello all. I just wanted to take the time to remind my readers that we have so much in life to be thankful for. Although we are supporting a loved one who is in prison we still should not let that damper our spirits. I had a few down days recently and Dajon has been checking on me to lift my spirits. I had to laugh at myself later, because it was rather selfish of me to complain to a man who has lost his freedom. During our conversation he made me realize how lucky I am to be able to watch our son grow up daily, tuck him in bed every night and kiss/hug him whenever I want. I had to take a moment and apologize because he is correct. It was a lesson learned. I should also be thankful that my son and I still have his father in the flesh regardless of where he lives right now.
Thank God everyday for allowing us the chance to still be able to communicate with our loved one. Thank God for telephones, pen/paper, stamps, and visitation rights. If your loved one is in good spirits don't ruin that moment with your complaints. Don't make him/her feel worse than they may already be feeling but have some how asked God for forgiveness so that they are able to move through this new chapter in their lives. I spoke with a woman not long ago who has 2 children in prison and a grandchild in prison. She visits all 3 and she keeps them on the prayer list at church every Sunday. Not once during our conversation did she complain. She was very uplifting and I enjoyed my conversation with her. She told me some people let their own lives slip away trying to support a loved one in prison. She asked me what does Dajon expect of me during his time away. It didn't take me but a second to answer her. I said happily all he asks is that I continue to raise our son the best I can and when things get rough reach out to him and other family for help! She said to me, he is a good man. Those were my last thoughts of this woman and she doesn't even know him. I took her comment to mean that if he hasn't set his expectations too high, I shouldn't either and that would help me through my bad days.
Remember all things are possible through God and the day you give up on him is the day you have given up on everything else in life as well. Its okay to complain but if you talk to a person who has limited freedom inside and no outside freedom and they never complain , then maybe you have to reorganize your priorities. Life is too short to spend a lot of time thinking about the bad days, we all have them but we all need to learn to move past them.
Living with incarceration from the outside is no less painful than living with it from the inside.
Thank God everyday for allowing us the chance to still be able to communicate with our loved one. Thank God for telephones, pen/paper, stamps, and visitation rights. If your loved one is in good spirits don't ruin that moment with your complaints. Don't make him/her feel worse than they may already be feeling but have some how asked God for forgiveness so that they are able to move through this new chapter in their lives. I spoke with a woman not long ago who has 2 children in prison and a grandchild in prison. She visits all 3 and she keeps them on the prayer list at church every Sunday. Not once during our conversation did she complain. She was very uplifting and I enjoyed my conversation with her. She told me some people let their own lives slip away trying to support a loved one in prison. She asked me what does Dajon expect of me during his time away. It didn't take me but a second to answer her. I said happily all he asks is that I continue to raise our son the best I can and when things get rough reach out to him and other family for help! She said to me, he is a good man. Those were my last thoughts of this woman and she doesn't even know him. I took her comment to mean that if he hasn't set his expectations too high, I shouldn't either and that would help me through my bad days.
Remember all things are possible through God and the day you give up on him is the day you have given up on everything else in life as well. Its okay to complain but if you talk to a person who has limited freedom inside and no outside freedom and they never complain , then maybe you have to reorganize your priorities. Life is too short to spend a lot of time thinking about the bad days, we all have them but we all need to learn to move past them.
Living with incarceration from the outside is no less painful than living with it from the inside.
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